Healing From the Loss of a Parent: How to Mend Your Spirit and Find Peace

January 5th, marked 36 years since the passing of my Mother. After my birth December 1st, she faced extreme difficulties after her unexpected C section, in which she was put into a medicated coma just 3 hours after my birth. Sadly, the sleep that was intended to just be a few days became definite and my mother passed in the evening hours of January 5th of 1988 at the age of 27 years old.

Grief is an extremely, complicated thing. It never leaves, it never fully heals and it comes in waves. I never met, or experienced having my birth mother around, however I feel daily a huge void in my heart without her here. As a mother of 4 , I often grieve for the motherhood that she had never got to experience. As a wife, I grieve not only for the happy marriage that was cut short, but the best friend and love of her life that she never got to say goodbye to. As a 36 year old, I find myself grieving for the moments, experiences, wisdom, lessons and birthdays she was robbed of. As their daughter, I find myself yearning for the motherly love and affection I missed out on, the childhood that I should’ve had but didn’t, the hugs, the kisses, the ‘Im so proud of yous’, that will forever go unheard.. or non existent because of her departure.

Like I said it’s a lot. Some moments I feel lost, some empowered, many days I am angry… waves remember.

Loosing a loved on is never easy, no matter how, what age or relationship you have/had with them. So if by the title of this blog you thought I had this never heard of remedy for healing that hole in your heart from a missing loved one… I am sorry but I don’t have it. What I do have is my story… and how I am able to Cope with the sadness, and loss of a missing parent. I hope that this empowers you and lets you know that you are not alone. :)

​It's been said that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But it's important to understand that these stages are not linear. They're more like a spiral, with grief repeating and recycling itself over time. Just when you think you've hit acceptance, you might find yourself back in anger or depression.

The death of a parent is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through. The loss can leave you feeling isolated, confused, and overwhelmed. You might feel like you're in a dark tunnel with no end in sight.

Grief is a natural response to loss. It's a process of readjusting to a new reality. In order to heal, it's important to allow yourself to grieve. This means giving yourself permission to feel the pain, to cry, to be angry, to be depressed.

The stages of grief are not linear, so don't be discouraged if you find yourself cycling through them. It's normal to experience all of the emotions associated with grief. Allow yourself the space, time and atmosphere to let these emotions out. Yell, curse, hit a pillow, cry it out… no matter how many times it takes, give yourself the time and space to let these very much normal emotions out. And always remind yourself… you are not alone, there are millions going through this and this is your healing/ acceptance process, that has no timeframe, end date or judgement.

When grieving a loss, big or small we often need reminders that we don’t have to carry this burden alone. It’s natural for me to want to retreat into my own world and deal with my grief in private, where in many times… that helped me a decent amount… however there were plenty of times where I felt like I was loosing my damn mind. Literally!!! It’s important to stay connected with your support system of friends and family.

Here are a few tips for staying connected and keeping your support system strong:

1. Lean on your friends and family. These are the people who love you and want to support you through this tough time. Let them be there for you. Talk to them about your feelings, cry on their shoulders, and take comfort in their company. My father, who is also always in a state of grief , tells me stories of her. And shares items and images that he has saved for times like these to give to me. That helps me so much, as well as him. Sharing those memories allow him to relive those moments out loud.

2.Talk about them. It's okay to talk about your feelings and memories. In fact, it can be helpful. My Oriieeee (Grandmother), often calls when she is grieving her daughter and just talks about her.

3. Seek out support groups. There are often support groups available for people who have lost a parent. These can be a great way to connect with others who are going through the same thing. Me personally… support groups are a bit too much for me… however, I do know plenty who enjoy support groups of those sorts.

4. Journal… now those who know me, know journaling was gonna come up in some way shape or form. Writing my thoughts down (even now) is such a healing experience for me. Even if not a single soul reads this… just writing these feelings out helps me so much, and in return I pray that it helps others out there. Sometimes I write letters to her, somedays I just jot my feelings down. whatever I am feeling I do it.

5. Honor them, whether you set up some form of ancestral altar in your home or work space, I find ways to acknowledge my mom in some way. Lighting a candle, keeping her things on my altar, spraying her favorite perfume, or just saying prayers and talking to her . As different or crazy as that may sound, that has been one of the most helpful things to me.

There is also therapy and counseling , which are both extremely productive and helpful avenues as well.

​If you have lost a loved one , you are not alone in your grief. Though it may feel like it at times, there are others who have been through the same thing. It can be helpful to talk to others who have gone through the same experience.

It can be difficult to talk about your feelings with others, especially if they have not experienced the death of a parent. However, it is important to find someone to talk to. bottling up your emotions can lead to further pain and suffering.

There are many support groups available to help those who have lost a parent. These groups can provide a place to share your feelings and experiences with others who understand what you are going through.

If you have lost a parent, know that you are not alone in your grief. There are others who have been through the same thing and who can understand what you are going through. Seek out support from others who have been through the same experience or from a support group. Talking about your feelings is an important step in the grieving process.

As Always, thank you for coming to my space. hugs to you and yours !

Love and Hugs to you all

B